Doctoral Dissertation



November 10, 2012:  Being an Anomaly

     It seems I've never been able to fit into whatever social setting surrounded me.  Oh, yes, I adapted in various ways and was mostly able to get by, but I continue to find an inordinate amount of resonance with Marilyn Monroe's statement that "I guess I belong to the world, because I've never really belonged to anyone or anything else."  In many ways, I have experienced this as a disability, but I have also found within this, numerous possibilities for seeing what others often overlook–so much so that I have sometimes wondered whether a primary task of life is learning how to see all that there is to see.  A similar and frequent conclusion of mine is that life is primarily concerned with the growth of the soul, such that what is truly important is not which race, gender, orientation, or definition we each have, but rather what we learn from having it and the kind of person we each ultimately demonstrate ourselves to be.  My point in sharing these thoughts, however, is not to invite others' sympathy, but rather to encourage possibilities of friendship, of inter-relationship, and perhaps of even becoming family to one another.  We live within transitional and challenging times, but I continue to believe that we really will get through every challenge that arises, if we work together as harmoniously as possible–living as if we truly believe that every person truly matters.  May one and all and everything, blessed and loved ever be.


December 17, 2012:  Holiday Wishfulness

     I even went so far as to send a letter to Santa Claus once, though I have no idea whether or not anyone ever read it, that what I most wanted for Christmas was a family.  In spite of having been estranged from my biological family for over twenty years at this point, mostly because of being gay, familial relationships remain very important to me.  My principle problem seems to be the challenge of finding anyone else who feels similarly and is willing to commit to embodying what being family truly means.  In much the same way that so many people seem to have forgotten what friendship is, how to nurture it, and the importance of having at least a few examples within one's life, the ways in which the word "family" is carelessly tossed about is quite disturbing to me.  My understanding of this word is that it designates the people upon whom one can rely in times of need, the people with whom one celebrates each accomplishment and mile-marker through the experience of one's life, and the specific people to whom one offers one's best contribution--specifically in order to nurture the growth and expression of those individuals' lives.  Not being able to make a positive contribution to any event or experience one must nevertheless witness, can be extemely painful to the sensitive soul.  Having said that, however, I am quick to remind myself that an artist must consider (based on past examples of literally hundreds of writers, artists, and composers) that one does not necessarily create for the people of one's own time.  For those in the future who will benefit from such creations, however, it is essential that the creative work be created and waiting for them when they finally arrive. With all of that in mind, my daily prayer is sometimes nothing more than "guide me to effectively serve greatest wisdom and love today.”  May one and all and everything, blessed and loved ever be.